CH 1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4 | CH 5 | CH 6 | CH 7 | CH 8 | CH 9
5 Years later…
“So Ben, how happy do you feel this week on a scale of 1-10?”
My therapist Felix asked during one of our weekly counselling sessions…
“I don’t know… probably a 2/10”
It really was that bad.
This was my “Rock Bottom”
I remember sitting there in this big, beige coloured chair… the material was scratchy against my arms
There was a strong and disconcerting smell in the air from an orange scented air-freshener (because they has issues with the plumbing)
Every week I would turn up to therapy to help me with anxiety and depression because at that point in my life I would wake up every day wishing I hadn’t.
I hated who I was and hated everything about my life…
So how did I end up here?
Well… this isn’t easy for me to talk about but there was one incident that prompted me to go to my GP and tell him that I needed HELP.
I all happened one evening…
I had been on a night out with my girlfriend and her friends
and just like EVERY other night out we’d got into ANOTHER fight.
another fight over sex, money or some other petty issue that wasn’t the REAL problem
So that night we were lying in her bed and things were getting more and more heated
I was screaming at her… she was screaming back
…and I don’t remember exactly what she said
But there came a moment when I just SNAPPED…
Without thinking I slammed my fist into the wall of her bedroom
and when I pulled my hand back I remember staring at my fist and seeing little flakes of white plaster…
I had punched a hold clean through her bedroom wall.
Immediately I snapped out of my rage
Filled with shame and regret…
Tears welling up in my eyes
I didn’t recognise the person I was
I was an asshole and a bully
I was OUT OF CONTROL.
at the time I didn’t know why
But looking back, it’s clear to me now
at that point in time, my happiness was COMPLETELY linked to the way my body LOOKED.
So when I looked like a Greek God, with ripped muscles and 6 pack abs… I was on top of the world
But whenever I noticed my body going downhill, THAT was where the problem started
A few months before I ended up in therapy I had started juggling a full time job with running a business and a long distance relationship…
and my body had taken a back seat.
I gained a few pounds and suddenly I didn’t feel WORTHY of happiness anymore
I was miserable in my relationship
I was miserable at work
I was miserable at home
Where I used to be a positive, happy, outgoing person I had become a shell of my former self
I was stuck in a constant spiral of hating myself and never feeling “good enough”
…Which would lead me to sabotage my body, my life and my relationships even more
I was stuck in a vicious cycle and I had no idea how to get out
None of the advice from my therapist seemed to be making me feel any better
I was running out of options and DYING to find an answer.
I just wanted to be HAPPY.
Every morning I felt like I was waking up into a nightmare and I was having thoughts of ending it all
and maybe you’ve never felt like that yourself?
But we all have our own “Rock Bottom” and I’m sure you can relate in some way
I was miserable. I was depressed. I was full of hate and anger.
And at this point I was DESPERATE for an easy way out.
So instead of actually facing my problems and dealing with them… I ran.
I quit my job, broke up with my girlfriend, moved to Croatia and got myself into a new relationship
I started to change everything to mask my inner feelings of worthlessness
and at first, this worked…
But then the same old patterns started to emerge again
I started to sabotage my relationships and my happiness because I hated who I was
I started to slip into bad habits with my diet, eating McDonalds after every gym session ond ordering pizza to reward myself for a good day at work
I started skipping gym sessions and pretending that being “fit and healthy” didn’t really matter to me anymore because I was getting older
I started struggling to get out of bed every day because I was thinking “What’s the point?”
and this went on for months
STILL trapped in the same cycle
STILL feeling depressed
STILL hating myself and my life
I had officially hit rock bottom. HARD.
Tomorrow I’m going to share with you how one video saved my life…
This ONE video led me to stop sabotaging my happiness, helped me regain my lost confidence, helped me become more happy, proud and confident than ever before and led me to helping over 3,500 women to transform their bodies and their lives
and this story just goes to show that even Rock Bottom has an emergency exit.
Look for my email tomorrow titled [Ch 6 of 9] “This movie saved my life”
Ben “Used to be miserable” Hughes
PS- The TRINITY 4-Week Workout Plan that we talked about yesterday is right here for you to open: