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I was stood in my bedroom…

Flexing my muscles in the mirror wearing nothing but a pair of Calvin Klein boxers

It was November of 2010 and I was in my second year of university

I was holding my iPhone in my left hand, on the screen was a photo of my favourite fitness model “Greg Plitt”

I could hear the sound of the TV and my housemates chatting and laughing in the next room

But I was stood there alone.

OBSESSING over my body image

Comparing myself to this impossibly “ripped” and “shredded” cover model

I was exercising 6 days a week

Most people would have said I was in great shape…

Yet despite this I was constantly disappointed in myself

Feeling like I wasn’t “enough”

I felt embarrassed and ashamed of the person I was

I felt like I didn’t DESERVE to be happy until my body was “perfect”

I felt like I didn’t DESERVE to have a great time with my friends until I looked like a fitness model

It didn’t matter how many times people told me I was a good looking guy

I just didn’t FEEL that on the inside

I was lacking in confidence

and I would hide and stay quiet in social situations for fear of being judged

I was sabotaging my own relationships and pushing friends away because I didn’t feel worthy of being happy

I WANTED to feel happy and positive

I WANTED to love myself but…

I’m not good enough I’m not worthy Nobody likes me I’m boring I don’t deserve it

^^ All of these thoughts plagued my mind and kept me stuck where I was

You’d think that would motivate me to start looking after myself and improving my self esteem…

To stop being obsessed with my body image and exercising excessively as a distraction from my issues

To stop eating huge fry ups, chocolate bars, Dominoes pizzas and drinking copious amounts of alcohol to reward myself for going to the gym

To stop spending hours lying on the sofa hungover… binge watching friends and eating my bodyweight in snacks

To stop using video games uni work and porn (embarrassing I know) as a distraction from the real problems surrounding my self worth

But it didn’t.

Because how I got to this point in my life was more complicated than just waking up one day and hating myself

I’m going to get really VULNERABLE with you tomorrow…

And share with you how I got in this situation…

and because we’re already best pals, I’m going to give you a FREE digital copy of our first recipe book “Quick & Easy Recipes”, which contains 32 of our BEST healthy recipes completely FREE of charge

But that’s a special treat for you ONLY if you open my message when it comes

So look out for tomorrow’s message titled: [Ch 3 of 9] “How Did I End Up Here?”

I’m not going to lie…

I’m pretty nervous to share with with you…

Ben “Obsessed” Hughes

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